But will never be able to.
Due to a dance move scandal, Tom Delay will have to pull out of the running of Dancing with the Stars at the very last minute... even after he wins Tom Bergeron's initial approval.
In a stunning move Marie Osmond will swoop in and steal the election as the "liberal" dancer that she is (she's just got moves!). Because Tom Delay will have left, the next in line will have to hope to win the judges votes in a write-in race... but that of course will never happen because the judges of Dancing with the Stars will be too confused.
They will also be working with Lobbyists.
Tom Delay will again fade into horrible oblivion, and no one will ever love him.
WHOA! I GOT HARSH THERE! SOMEONE GET ME TOM DELAY SO I CAN USE THE HAMMER TO GET THIS NAIL ALL THE WAY IN!
I NAILED IT!